FAKE SUB ROASTS ENTIRE CLASS, SCHOOL SHRUGS
Wisconsin makes national news, so naturally it's embarrassing. A former student in Milwaukee walked in, signed the sub sheet, cranked rap music, and roasted the kids for their looks and money, and asked if anybody had a vape. Her explanation to police: she was bored, she hates kids, and she wanted to mess around. The hosts' reaction: 'I think I could hang out with this girl.' The scary part: anyone with a clipboard can apparently take over a classroom.
NATIONAL FRAPPE DAY: IT'S A MILKSHAKE, LET'S BE HONEST
Nobody can remember what's in a frappe. After some research, the verdict: 'it's basically an effing milkshake with some coffee in it.' Origin story: in 1957 at a fair in Greece, a coffee rep couldn't find hot water and shook instant coffee with cold water. Bonus questions: does it make you fat, and would pudding make it better? (Don't add pudding.)
WE LEARNED ABOUT NUT
Pumpkin seed education: they're nutritious, and you can eat them whole. One host worries raw ones will make you 'poop out something very sharp.' Peeling them by hand is tedious, so the official plan is to buy them, or just eat Oreos. Then nut safety: too many Brazil nuts can give you selenium poisoning, and you're supposed to cap walnuts at 14 halves a day. Hence the title.
MILE-HIGH MYSTERY: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING ON PLANES?
A Baltimore-to-Miami flight had a passenger get extremely, uh, comfortable in first class, and the FBI is now involved. The defense floated is 'I was sleeping.' The hosts wonder why planes are suddenly the hot spot and if these things happen in threes. One host's wife is flying home from Nashville today, so he's on high alert.
THE WHOLE LOTTA LOVE SINGLE THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO EXIST
Led Zeppelin famously refused to release singles, so their manager ordered a rare 'Whole Lotta Love' 7-inch recalled and destroyed. One guy didn't return his, and it just turned up on Antiques Roadshow, where 'he claims it's seven inches.' It was valued at around $1,300, which the hosts think is a lowball.
HOW TO MEET A ROCK GOD (DON'T)
A Robert Plant sighting in Madison: he was reportedly wandering around in a holey flannel asking where the lake is. One host chickened out, and now has the whole fantasy planned: say the perfect thing, make him laugh, best friends forever. Pro tip from the other side of the mic: whatever you do, don't bring up Led Zeppelin.
THE GREAT LEGEND DEBATE OF 2026
Is he as high up as a rock star can get? One host says if he were, he couldn't walk around Madison without getting mobbed. The other is furious about this 'besmirching' live on the radio. The test case: put a metal frontman in a mall in Crocs, a Hawaiian shirt and a ball cap. Would anyone notice? Plus a breakthrough: Hawaiian shirt guys need a secret wave, like Jeep owners.
CALLER BUYS POSTER, ROB ZOMBIE IMMEDIATELY APPEARS
Daniel calls in: back in 2001 he bought a Rob Zombie poster at a little marketplace on State Street, then ran into the man himself minutes later and got it signed. 'The Lord works in mysterious ways.' The hosts' reaction: he should have bought a Powerball ticket.