LIVE FROM THE LEINIE LODGE: BREAKFAST IS BEER
Trip to the Chip 2026! The show broadcasts live from the Leinie Lodge in Chippewa Falls, where people have been drinking beer since 5:30 a.m. The Honey Weiss gets a 'nine out of ten.' The big question is who's had more than three, followed immediately by 'who's driving?' Three beers, no breakfast: a Wisconsin tradition.
THE GUITARIST WHO WORKED THE MASTERS
Gareth from The Funeral Portrait grew up seven minutes from Augusta National and worked there: the parking lot one year, the golf shop at Amen Corner the next. He walked right past Dr. J, and a co-worker spotted a famous pop star. He does a Jim Nantz whisper on request. Verdict: 'the most famous golf course person I've ever met.' Then a Tiger Woods tangent everyone immediately apologizes for.
INSIDE THE SECRET MAGICIANS' CLUBHOUSE
The singer got taken to the Magic Castle in LA for his birthday. You can only get in if you know a magician, and you have to wear a suit and tie. You say 'open sesame' to a bookcase, a piano plays itself, and there are no photos, so nobody can prove any of it happened. He swears a magician linked three audience rings together in his hand. He's a sucker for magic.
CLAP ANXIETY IS REAL
After a churchy-sounding performance ('not Jim Bakker church, he'd be trying to steal my money'), one host confesses she hates when bands ask the crowd to clap because she gets nervous and falls off the beat, especially the dreaded late 'flam' clap. The band promises to stare directly at her next time. Then the golf guy forgets her name. (It's Karen. She's in a mood.)
WHEN YOUR HEROES WATCH YOUR SET
Atlanta pride: the band was playing European festivals with Mastodon. One of the band members' sons came up as a 'massive fan,' and then the singer looked out from the stage and saw ALL of Mastodon standing right in front of them. Legends watching their set, even though they sound nothing alike.
STAY WEIRD (THE PART WHERE EVERYONE GOT A LITTLE MISTY)
The real talk portion. 'Voodoo Doll' is about losing someone to addiction and about going to get help. Music is the band's religion and their escapism, so they shake their butts and do high kicks so you can forget your day. Their song 'Stay Weird' is a love letter to their younger selves: be weird, as long as you're not hurting anybody or yourself. The golf shop was apparently staffed entirely by punk rockers.
SPORTS SUPERSTITIONS: IT'S YOUR FAULT THE PACKERS LOST
A Crown Royal survey found that 59% of diehard fans have at least one game-day ritual: lucky shirt, same seat, same snacks. One host has to turn the Packers off or they'll lose, and absorbs every loss personally 'like the guy from The Green Mile.' It turns out he means John Coffey, not Tom Hanks. The band reveals a Bills fan and a Raiders fan in their ranks. Trouble.
WORDS ARE TOO EXPENSIVE (AND SO IS THE FART MACHINE)
Songwriting economics, according to the singer: 'sometimes words are too expensive,' because every word on a radio spin costs money. So that's why the morning show uses the fart machine so much: every press costs 50 bucks straight out of the paycheck. Art is expensive.
THE $20 ROCKFEST HANDSHAKE DEAL
As the show runs 25 minutes late for news, the band asks whether they'll ever come back to the middle of nowhere. A deal gets struck on air: if The Funeral Portrait plays Rockfest next year, somebody owes somebody twenty bucks, plus a side-stage spot and a live intro. Witnesses everywhere, no paperwork. Also: 'your hands are very soft.'